Saturday, February 20, 2010

dane cook is ugly

i was watching good luck chuck because i hate myself but thats another story

this guy is hideous i wonder why i never noticed how ugly he was until i saw this movie. the problem may be exaggerated by contrast with jessica alba on the same screen cause she isnt too hard to look at at all. but damn.

he has a strikingly hateable face. i get the same feeling when im watching some movie magic behind the scenes thing and one of jim hensons wizards shows off some latex goblin head he made and sort of beams with fatherly pride like he outdid himself with this one.

i think his whole demeanor and his tired shtick and his rubber limbed histrionics dont help. i was kind of thinking while watching this hog slop that dane cook is really like a very very poor mans ben stiller crossed with a very very poor mans jim carrey.

which is weird because those guys are ALREADY poor mans versions of some other guys but i cant really think of the guys now. maybe they dont actually exist but rich folk are just kind of waiting around and hoping

which would make dane a guy slated for the utterly fucking destitute. dane cook is like part of an emergency relief care package for a third world nation. but then it turns out they dont want him

dane dont make any more movies


  1. Uuuuuuurg

    The Dane Cook Effect uuuurh.

  2. Strider, I'm glad this was a longer post than the previous. I was worried you were gonna switch to small and simple.

  3. for a second I thought it said 'dave don't make any more movies', thus proving how bad my eyes can be sometimes. though... the prospect of a movie starring strider would be rather intereting, if not buried under a lot of irony.

    or something, hell I don't know.

    1. Are you a fucking psychic, bro?

    2. God, I fuckin' forgot about the fact I made that comment. I guess I can put 'inadvertently predicted the sbahj moive' up there in my ~*~credentials~*~ along with 'at fault for Kurloz's name'

      The worst part is I checked this out on a whim and I'm kinda amazed and vaugely horrified people still post in the remains of this thing.

      But yeah there ya go.

  4. If Dane Cook was a librarian, he would be Dane Book.
    If he was an optometrist, he would be Dane Look.
    If he was from Taiwan, he would be Dane Gook.
    If he played chess, he would be Dane Rook.
    If he was funny, he would be Not Dane Cook.

  5. Σεφ των Δανών; ποια είναι η μιλάτε; Βλέπω μόνο το πρόσωπο του ενός παράφρονα monstrocity που μου θυμίζει αμυδρά του φίλου σας, με το παράξενο αυγό για ένα όνομα, και φαντασιώδης γυάλινα μάτια. Στο μεταξύ, ενώ, παρακαλώ επιτρέψτε μου να ξέρω αν έχετε descovered όπου telepromptor σας έπεσε προς. Είμαι πεινασμένος για βάφλες.
    -Antonio de Padua María Severino López de Santa Anna y Pérez de Lebrón

  6. I can't tell what you're saying Antonio. Its all Greek to me!

    That last image will haunt my soul forever.

  7. Antonio says:
    Chefs of Danish? What is the talk? I only see a person of one which reminds me of monstrosity aware of my friend you, with the odd egg of a name, and glass eyes. In the meantime, while, please allow me to know if you have your discovered where teleprompter fell to. I am there for waffles.

    I think he's talking about Dave's friend Lil' Cal. And waffles. I cannot be certain.

  8. lolz babelfish.

    Ahh Dane Cook. I work at a video store and I can tell you there are two kinds of people: those of us that hate Dane Cook and everyone else.

    People who don't hate DC just don't really care. They are too self-absorbed or too apathetic. This is what really seperates them from us. We hate him because we are passionate beings with strong feelings, and when we see an atrocity like this joke-stealing douche coasting off of bits and styles he ripped off of other, more talented comedians and actors, we understandably lose our cool.

  9. I liked Dane Cook, like, REALLY liked Dane Cook. I borrowed a dvd of like his vicious circle tour or whatever from a friend and man I was hooked

    but then I went into Good Luck Chuck and like of course I was trying my best to like the damn thing because the comedy hero of my last few weeks was up there trying his hardest, right? and I'm pretty sure I burned out the better part of my soul just TRYING against all odds to remain chipper and appreciative of the guy.

    I mean all in all it wasn't as terrible a movie as some stuff I've seen but afterwards I learned that basically all his good material was bitten from other, funnier men and women so I decided that was basically the end of our relationship right there.

    being bad is one thing, but stealing good material and then STILL somehow managing a certain degree of suck? it's either an art form and he's some master scientist of the social sciences or he's just lame (way more likely).

  10. p.s. slavic language dude, right on. I got your back, you crazy irradiated bastard.

  11. (psst...Greek is not a Slavic language.)

  12. I could make a pretty lame pun on "it's all greek to me" right now to cover my own ass with some random japery but I'm pretty sure that phrase hasn't been said straightfaced since kerosene went out of style,

  13. Good call, man. I mean you'd be walking in the footsteps of a dude who calls himself PENISE. Ain't no amount of irony making that dude cool.

  14. Is it meta-irony if something's so dumb it's not ironic? Or am I overthinking it?

    Dave's crappy jpegs are meta-ironic because they're too dumb to actually be cool... and that makes him cool for using them... I think. He could just be an insufferable prick.

  15. more like Dane Crook since he stole some of Louis CK's jokes

  16. [Sef] of Danes? who it is you speak? I only see his person of one insane monstrocity that reminds me faintly your friend, with the strange egg for a name, and [fantasiodis] glass eyes. In between, while, I request you allow me I know if you have descovered where telepromptor to you it fell to. I am [peinasmenos] for [bafles]. - Antonio de Padua María Severino López de Santa Anna y Pérez de Lebrón

  17. ok what

    on-topic: this made me lol

  18. You. You there. Strider. Stop doing nothing. Oh wait, that's WV's job, and I should be talking to john. On topic, that last (.gif? .Jpeg?) image was a bit odd.


    SO WHAT IT'S CREEPIER IF I SAY... Oh great I ruined the mood. But yeah, that guy looks odd.

    Also, meteors and prototypings

  19. Even Nic Cage its better than Dane Cook i should say

  20. classic tetragrammaton exploit

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  23. He is really fugly.